This is Me

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Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Little Peace and Quiet

All jokes aside, I joined eHarmony for 3 reasons:

#1. To say that I did it.

#2. Because they gave me a deal.

#3. If not to find the beginning of "that" final relationship, at least to start dating.

It's been a very long time since I've had a date and an even longer time since I've been in a serious relationship.

I spend every weekend pretty much alone.

Every now and then my one friend and I will go out to dinner or to a movie, but for the most part I'm alone.

So I guess I joined eHarmony for 4 reasons:

#4. To put an end to the loneliness.

I was excited about the "possibility" at first. Every week I logged on and sorted through match after match, but after a while the excitement of the "possibility" wore off. I got bored and I didn't
know why.

One weekend I traveled to another city and had lunch with a group of girls I hadn't talked to in a while. As I listened to them talk about their relationships, I started to feel anxious. Suffocated.
Once again, I couldn't understand why, and let it go.

After I returned home I realized how good a time I had just being out with the girls in a big city with so much to do. This was the social life I had been looking for. Right then I got it: I don't want to be in a relationship.

I want a social life with my fabulous group of female friends. I want my "Living Single" days.

After my college graduation, my life went from "A Different World" to "Girlfriends" without the girlfriends.

I need more people in my life; not a man.

Once I started ignoring my age and started paying more attention to how I feel, I realized that I don't want the responsibility of a relationship. I don't want to have to talk with my significant other first if I want to do something without him.

I go where I want when I want and I don't have to talk to anyone before I do.

I can't tell you how liberating that feeling is.

Too bad I've spent the last 9 years not understanding that feeling. It was always there, but it was hidden underneath all those layers of loneliness.

I'm still lonely, but at least I know what 'type' of lonely.

This is where being alone comes in handy.

With some thought and time, I can figure out what it is I want without other people's opinions making a difference, opening myself up to more of who I am and what I want out of life.

Three months of eHarmony may have cost me $60 that I really didn't have (because I mean it when I say I really would rather have bought some shoes), but it definitely wasn't a waste.

Now I can watch romantic movies without getting depressed; I can see other couples holding hands and comment on how cute they look together instead of getting upset.

I know who I am.

Of course, who I am will keep changing, but I will always know what to do in order to figure myself out.

All I'll need is a little peace and quiet.

3 Comments:

  • At 7:50 PM, Blogger eHarmony_jack said…

    I think I remember your blogging back when you started, or at least when you were in the process. I just wanted to say I’m very happy to read that you did get something out of your eHarmony membership; we’re always happy to know that people get something good out of it, especially if it’s self-awareness and personal growth. Congratulations on your Success Story. :)

    Best wishes, Jack

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Anonymous Brandy Wedgeworth said…

    I think God continues to preach this to many of us.....Sit ur butt down and be quiet! lol....no really, its so liberating when your able to accept or better yet understand what stage in life your in. Thats when He surprises you. ;-)

     
  • At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Lea @andlea.blogspot.com said…

    Can I tell you, I went through a kind of similar experience. I'll admit it: I was on just about every kind of dating site out there. The harmony, match, blackpeoplemeet. You name it, I browsed it. I guess looking for the same thing you were initially and ultimately not finding really what I was looking for. Then one day I woke up with this feeling that I needed to delete all of those profiles. And I sat with this feeling for about a week to see where it would lead and I ended up deleting them all.

    I came to the same realization you did. I'm ok! I just need more of a social life. I'm not quite ready for a relationship quite yet. I'd just like someone to go do stuff with. I had to stop listening to people tell me something's wrong because I'm 'alone'. I'm just trying to focus on being happy and enjoy where I am right now. And when I'm really, truly ready the relationship part will come. Thanks for sharing :D

     

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