This is Me

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Thursday, August 12, 2010

I Can Hear Them Whispering In My Ear

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath to see how my social calendar has filled since joining eHarmony.

It's been two months, I've already been billed for my third and final month, and I've been matched with over 60 people. So how many dates have I been on?

Wait for it....

0.

Yep! The big ol' goose egg! Nada! Zilch!

Every time I see an eHarmony commercial highlighting those who found love I yell "Yeah, right! Y'all are LIARS!" at the TV.

In all fairness, it's not their fault. Well, it is, but it isn't.

Remember the questionnaire that took me 3 hours to fill out? Once you've been matched, there is a similar loooooong process to go through to actually get in touch with those people.

If you like what you see, you:

#1. Send them a series of (5) questions for them to answer.

#2. They answer yours, then send theirs.

#3. You answer theirs, then send your list of "Must Haves, Can't Stands." (Like "I must have someone... who is an active member of church" or "I can't stand someone.... who treats people with disrespect.")

#4. If they still want to communicate after reading your list, they send theirs.

#5. If you like theirs, then you send a more in-depth series of questions (3) that he/she has to answer with his or her own words, as opposed to selecting from a list of answers like you do for step 1.

#6. I believe this step occurs when you are able to communicate via email, but I'm not too sure because I haven't gotten to this step yet!!!!!

*#$!^%!* Enough already!

I've been in communication with a cutie from Tennessee for the past month and a half! What happens if we don't get to talk face to face (or at least on the phone) before my membership ends?!?!?!

*gasp* I'll be alone forever, that's what!

The other day I thought about joining for another few months since he is so cute and since his beliefs fall right in line with mine, but then I realized that's what they want me to do!

The process is designed to keep you coming back for more! If the communication is only half-way finished or you haven't found anyone and you're tempted to opt-out, they start whispering in your ear... "You can't quit now. What if you miss out on your.... *pause for effect* soulmate?"

It's just a trap to get you to spend more money!

*slamming my hand on the counter and raising my voice*

And I don't spend money unless there's a DEAL on the table!!! (which means that if they do send me another email deal, they got me for another 3 months....)