This is Me

No Description Necessary

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

I'd Rather Buy Some Shoes

OMG it's been an entire year since I last posted! I'm sure I've disappointed my loyal reader (every ONE of you - shout out to Tiffany) but I figure what better way to polish my writing/storytelling skills than to document my eHarmony journey.

Yes, I'm is still single. *pause for surprise* (Or don't, considering there's an article written every week about how it seems NO ONE wants to date Black women.)

Depending upon how I'm feeling on any given day, being single doesn't bother me, but since I was feeling particularly bored one day in May - and since I turn 32 this year - I decided to take advantage of eHarmony's "Free Communication Weekend" during the Memorial Day holiday.

A colleague of mine is currently dating someone she met during the same type of "Free Communication Weekend" so I was excited about the possibilities, but my excitement faded that Saturday when I saw the terms: the operative word being "communication" since you are only allowed to TALK to matches and not SEE them unless you pay.

Alright. Fine.

I wasn't deterred. (Did I mention I'm turning 32 this year? I can't be deterred by not being able to see pictures). I took the necessary 2 hours (no exaggeration) to fill out the 5,000 page (exaggeration) questionnaire and prepared myself for meeting my future husband ----*sigh* and herein lies my problem - and the problem for pretty much every single woman out there. I don't fancy myself a follower of Steve Harvey, considering he's doling out advice when he himself is on his third marriage, but he hit the nail on the head when he said women look at a guy with "hopeful eyes" - HOPING the next one will be the "one" thereby setting ourselves up for disappointment because we tried to turn a guy into a much better person than he actually is.

But, hopeful eyes aside, I sorted through 15 matches in 24 hours (which is much like searching through countless job posts for the one that peaks your interest - it's quite tiresome), and found about 7 profiles that stuck out. They said all the right things ("I love my mama." "God is the head of my life." "If it weren't for my pastor I wouldn't be where I am today." ... yadda yadda yadda) and I emailed them.... but they didn't email me back!

What in the world? This wasn't the way this was supposed to work! I had until midnight Monday to find my soulmate! Why weren't they emailing me back?!?!

Turns out, not everyone is sitting at the computer waiting to see who they've been matched with like I am because #1. The misconception that people on eHarmony don't have social lives is false (except in my case) so they're out enjoying their time off from work, and #2. They were already members and didn't need to sign up for the free weekend because they have no problem paying $30-45/month to be matched with people they can't seem to find while they're out enjoying their time off from work.

Huh.

Well, mission failed. I guess I won't be meeting my future husband on eHarmony because I refuse to pay all that money a month for matchmaker services.

I'd rather buy some shoes (that I wear to work and not on dates because I have no social life, but the shoes really do make me happy).

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Note: While some of this is serious, the majority of it is meant to be humorous, so please keep your 'advice' to yourself. Save it for your sister.