This is Me

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Friday, December 12, 2008

"I Hate...." #2

I am Black. Barack Obama being elected as the 44th President of the United States is NOT lost on me (TRUST) but since I'm so far behind on my writing, I figured I'd save my "I can't believe I'm witnessing history" blog for Inauguration Day.

So, onto my "I Hate..." series....

I hate having to depend on other people.

My dad is retired military, so constantly moving, and being shy on top of that, has resulted in me being lonely for the majority of my life. Good friends you can trust are hard to come by as it is, and most people - once they reach a certain age - aren't really interested in making new friends. People are nice, but they don't make an effort to go beyond nice.

I have scores of acquaintances but only two people I trust whom I met in college and who unfortunately live in different cities nowhere near mine.

Except for those sleepovers you have in elementary school, I haven't ever had a birthday party. One birthday my boyfriend (who was cheating on me at the time) was nowhere to be found (probably because he was with his other chick). The most I've done is gone out to eat with my family and had the Chili's staff sing "Happy Birthday" to me while I ate a free desert - which really wasn't good because it was free.

This year, I told myself, was going to be different. I was going to go to Miami and live it up like never before. No, I don't have any money, but so what. The trip will be worth it if I have FUN, right?

Well.... *insert neck roll*

With my birthday being the day before New Year's Eve, I had to nix the trip. My best friend couldn't go because prices are RIDICULOUS, making me want to scream at hotel managers "But I'm NOT traveling for New Year's Eve! I'm traveling for my birthday! That's NOT FAIR!"

Those high prices means I'll be spending my 30th birthday in my home state, the place I've lived in since I was 12 and a place I really want to leave.

Even in the past when I didn't travel, I still got the "I can't go out. I'll be with my family" or "I don't have any money to go out" excuses I've been getting all my life. Also add to the list: "I don't have any money to buy you a present because your birthday is too close to Christmas" excuse that has plagued me since childhood.

When I did go to dinner I paid for my own meals and didn't receive any presents. I cried all day on my 29th birthday b/c it made me realize how lonely I was.


If I was on my deathbed right now looking back on my life I'd be pissed at how much fun I HAVEN'T had, and life is too short for me to constantly be disappointed because of someone else's actions (or inaction).

I have adopted a new way of thinking - it's time for me to stop depending on someone else for my happiness.

I'm going to plan my own parties, bring my own cake, buy my own presents and buy my own dayum balloons. If you can come, great. If you can't, that's great, too because I'm going to have a good time without you. I'm not about to let your absence sour my mood.

I'll invite my "scores of acquaintances" to the party I throw and dance all night. I figure, you don't have to be my best friend for me to have a good time partying with you. I really don't even have to like you as long as you know how to have a good time.

I'll be turning 30 on the 30th this month and I'm ready to bring sexy back.


  • At 1:29 PM, Blogger Kaycee said…

    I feel you...I'm away from everyone I know and love so make a point to do SOMETHING for my birthday every year. I resolved to be kind to myself and I would suggest you do the same. It makes ALL the difference in the world.


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