This is Me

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Friday, March 21, 2008

They Call Me Pollyanna

I am a fairly optimistic person. I'm usually happy 24/7 unless of course it's that time of the month.

I wouldn't call myself a "Pollyanna," but I generally have a smile on my face and I love to laugh. I'm both a morning and a night person. Basically, I'm an "all day" person.

People around me like my optimism.... until it comes to relationships.

In relationships, people look at my optimism as naivete because I don't have sex.

About a year ago I was dating a guy but we never ended up taking our "dating status" to "relationship status."

So many things kept getting in the way, and in the end we didn't get together because, I believe, God didn't want us together. Yes, there was some drama involved with the situation that I won't go in to, but regardless, he wasn't and isn't a bad guy. It just didn't work out for us.

When I was discussing the situation with a friend, she started talking about him so badly you would have thought she was the one who had gotten hurt.

"I bet he's lying to you. He probably did this and he probably did that."

I got tired of it and told her to stop. So she turned on me.

"You look at the world through rose-colored glasses! He is playing you and you don't even see it."


And then she took it too far by bringing up sex...

Now I'm pissed.

Contrary to public opinion, sex does NOT make you mature. If it did, then my friends who do have sex wouldn't keep making the SAME mistakes they've been making since college.

(To let the world tell it, if I did drop my panties, I will emerge victoriously from the bedroom with the solution to the rising crime rate, since having sex will open my eyes to how the world "really works," right?)

I cannot stand for people to look at me like I'm naive because I choose to believe that not every guy will cheat.

And it's not just females thinking this way either.

I was telling a male friend about some trouble a female friend was having with a guy she liked and the first thing out of his mouth was "He's probably taking advantage of her."


You don't even know the dude and you're dogging him!

What is the deal?

I know that 90% of men out there don't know how to keep their penises in their pants. I've seen it and experienced it. I've had 7 boyfriends in my life and 6 of them cheated. (I don't know if #7 did or not, but I'm over him so I don't care one way or the other). My heart was involved with every single one of them, so yes my heart has been BROKEN multiple times.

But I still believe there are good men out there. Even after all the dirt I've seen men do to women in college, I STILL BELIEVE there are good men (although, realistically speaking, they are few and far between). Just because I'm not joining in your pity party does not mean I'm naive.

I was having a relationship conversation with a guy and after one of my "optimistic" comments, he gave a sarcastic laugh and then proceeded to talk down to me like I was a child.

See? This is why I don't talk to people about certain things. The type of negativity that spews out of the mouths of certain people who profess to be Christians just brings me down. Don't try to steal my joy because you're not happy.

I used to look at all men negatively, but God has been working on me, and I've come out on the other side a happier, more positive person. I've dealt with the pain and I've moved on.

I refuse to believe that God is sitting up in heaven, looking at women saying, "Sorry, ladies. All men cheat. You just got to get used to it."

That's not how God wants it to be.

I choose to be optimistic because I have God in my life. Being realistic and optimistic at the same time is possible when you believe in the Lord.

I have faith that He is going to send me the man I've been praying for. And I thank Him in advance every day.

Monday, March 17, 2008

"This Is Me" Quickie #4

I am so FREAKING tired of 24/7 politics!

I love Robin Roberts and she is the reason I watch Good Morning America while I'm getting ready for work, but doggone if they don't have 50-minute stories on Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton EVERY SINGLE MORNING!

Has NO ONE been kidnapped in the past month?

Shot? Stabbed? Framed for murder?

Can we go back to talking about missing blond girls every day? Please?

Friday, March 07, 2008

And The Winner Is.... Me

My dreams have changed considerably in the past 10 years.

In 1998 I was a freshman in college and really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.

Now I want things that are much bigger than I ever could have imagined.

At times I may share those dreams with others, but they usually give me that look that says "You're not being realistic."

And that's okay. I don't let their negativity discourage me because I know God is planning something big for me.

I don't know exactly what it is, but I know it will happen.

These dreams won't come to fruition tomorrow and I doubt the major one will happen within the next 5 years.

Hopefully, the smaller dreams that lead to the big one will come true in the next few years, but even if the don't, I know that they will.

And when they do, those big dreams will one day lead to me standing on stage accepting an award. For what, I don't know.

But it will happen.

And this is what I'll say.....

"Whenever I told people about my dreams, certain people gave me that look that said "Yeah, right. You're not going to do that."

But it didn't discourage me. I just looked at them and said...

"If Will Smith can go from *rapping* 'Parents just don't understand!' to becoming a blockbuster action movie star, I certainly can attain success."

And here I am.

Whenever I told people about the fine man God was going to send me, once again, people gave me that look that said "Yeah, right. You can't have everything. He's either going to be fine and a jerk or ugly and treat you like a Queen."

But it didn't discourage me. I just looked at them and said...

"If two beautiful people like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett can fall in love and be happy, why can't I get a fine man who also treats me like a Queen?"

It's funny how everything comes back to Will Smith, isn't it?

*laughter from crowd*

My man lets me know how much he loves me every day without fail and makes me feel like I can do anything. And yes, he is FINE.


The music is about to play, so let me finish.


There are always going to be people who tell you that you can't do something. There is always going to be negativity coming at you from all sides.

ALL sides.

It may even come from people you thought would always support you, like your parents or your best friend.

But even if there is NO ONE on this earth who has your back, always remember that God does.

What God has for you is FOR YOU and no amount of negativity, no amount of set backs, is going to change that.

Thank you."

Thursday, March 06, 2008


I am 29, so I was around when The Real World first started. I used to watch every season but things started to get ridiculous.

Every season they came out with exact same cast: the Black person, the gay person, the virgin, the young one, the whore, the Hispanic person, the Republican.... Sometimes they killed two birds with one stone by putting two stereotypes into one cast member, e.g. the gay virgin, the young whore, the Black Republican, etc.

After Real World Philadelphia I was pretty much through, but I still watched the Real World vs. Road Rules challenges. They were a lot more exciting and held my interest longer than who was having sex with whom in the real world house.

But since I stopped watching the Real World I didn't know the people they invited to participate in the challenges, so I wasn't as invested and eventually stopped watching those, too.

But then a co-worker informed me that Coral was back for the Gauntlet 3.

YES! I LOVE CORAL! So I had to watch.

But last night she left. She didn't get kicked off. She just left.

On the outside looking in, it does seem like she left her team in a bad place. But you've got to look at all the facts.

Yes, Coral can be a bit brash at times, but she is a good friend. She is the chick who will have your back. PERIOD. And in a competition, if she can trust you, she will stick up for you. PERIOD.

But because Coral is brash, she made some enemies this season. All of her friends who knew her from back in the day don't come out to these challenges anymore, so she comes in as a newbie. She is an old-head, but she's an old-head with no friends. There isn't anyone in the house to have her back.

Have you ever tried to penetrate a circle of friends? It's hard. They're really not trying to let you in because they've already got their group.

I've moved around a lot so I have been in Coral's situation too many times. You move to a new place and even though people are nice, they don't go out of their way to make you feel at home. They invite you places but end up ignoring you because "you" are not a part of "them." So you end up being odd-man out. And that's what happened to Coral.

So when she got word that they were plotting against her, she finally came to the realization that she was by herself.

She mistakenly thought that because she was on the same team with them they would automatically have her back.

(And isn't that, like, a major lesson in life? Just because you have something in common with people doesn't mean you can trust them. I can't trust all AKAs; I can't trust all of my family members; and I sure as hayle can't trust all Black people - although I LOVE my people.)

Coral felt betrayed and so she lashed out. I knew people would talk badly about her but they went too far.

How are they going to say she wasn't a team player when for the past few episodes they've been PLOTTING TO GET RID OF HER?

Why would she stick up for people she can't trust? They went behind her back. What else was she supposed to do? Yes, it's a competition, but still..... her teammates wanted her out. So she she left. They can't get mad because she didn't leave the way they wanted her to.

She gave them the deuces. And so have I. When Coral exited at 10:30, I cut off the TV. I have no need to watch if my girl isn't there.

*pouring out a little liquor in memory of Coral, the baddest chick to ever come across a challenge*

And on a side note - will someone please tell Nehemiah to cut his beard?! He looks homeless!