This is Me

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Comic Relief

As I am walking out of Target a few weeks ago, a guy approaches me. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I do remember thinking to myself that he was quite respectful.

It wasn't "What's up, shawty?" or anything ignorant. It was something to the effect of, "Excuse me. I saw you walking and I must say you are quite beautiful. Are you seeing anyone right now?"

He walked me to my car and we talked briefly. He was attractive, intelligent, and acted like he had some sense, so I gave him my number. After some phone tag, we met up for dessert the next night.

I don't know what happened, but brother did a complete 180 from the time we met until the time he walked into the restaurant.

He was still cute, but he wasn't as respectful as he had been the night before. He looked me up and down OVER AND OVER like he wanted to throw me on the table and hump me right there!

Now, every girl likes to know that her company finds her attractive, but there are certainly better ways to do that than licking your lips and salivating in your pie.

If I'm talking to you and looking directly into your eyes, I can tell when your gaze leaves my eyes and travels south, even if it is a slight move.

I tried to get over the googling and see what type of conversation skills he had and was once again blown away by the complete 180.

"I swear fo' God I saw her doin' what she wadn't spose to be doing."

I'm sorry. What did you say? You swear FO'?

Uhhhhhh, you don't know me. Why are you getting so "comfortable" that you can say "fo"??? Whatever happened to the good first impression that's supposed to last at least 3 months before we get into the "real" parts of the personality?

And don't get me started on the SCRIPTURES.

Once he found out I was a Christian he started spouting scriptures like there was a competition to see how many he could recite in a 5-minute time span.

"See there, Lord? I read the Bible. I just recited 5 verses of Psalms!"

Okay, Scripture Boy, weren't you just looking me up and down about 10 minutes ago wanting to jump me right here? Weren't you just giving me those "anytime, anyplace" bedroom eyes?

I've heard pastors say that God has a sense of humor.

The day that I met him I was quite upset with the way my social life was going. (I mean, I was in Target on a Friday night. ) I was walking up and down the aisles saying "God, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being alone in my house every night. I'm tired of wasting my last few good years of my 20s in this small city. I'm tired of......"

And then walked in Scripture Boy. God must have sent him for some comic relief and comic relief only. Looking back on it, the situation was pretty funny.

Even after the busted "date" at the restaurant, I still tried to make conversation. We just didn't have anything in common. Finding things to talk about was like pulling teeth. I swear fo' God it was....