This is Me

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Can Exes Be Friends?

During one of those boring "I have a ton of work to do but don't feel like doing it" days, someone posed the question....

"Can exes be friends?"

Some said yes ("My best friend is my ex."); others said no ("Those 'what if' questions always pop up.)

For me, common sense says you can as long as there are NOT any residual feelings. No "we're older now and things could work this time around" type feelings. No "Dang she looks good in those jeans" type feelings.

As I went through my past of multiple dating mistakes, I realized that I only talk to one of my ex-boyfriends, and of the other guys, while I no longer harbor feelings (good or bad) towards any of them, I don't WANT to be their friends.

For what?

I've matured tremendously since then, so I can only imagine that my exes have grown and matured as well, but while they are older, they still don't hold the qualities I look for in a man who could potentially be my husband.

Growing up the "quiet girl who didn't put out" has always meant that I didn't get a lot of dates.

While that's all fine and dandy now, I used to hate seeing all my high school and college friends out having a blast while on the weekends I was at home. I heard it all the time.... "You're the good girl. The one we want to settle down with. You're pretty, but we're just not ready to get serious about someone."

Since I didn't date much, a girl got kinda lonely. So when a guy did show interest, I would jump on the bandwagon, even though he wasn't the type of guy that a Christian girl needed.

Sure they were nice enough. They weren't rapists, murderers or child molesters, but they weren't OF GOD, so they had no idea how to treat a woman who was. (Well, one ex did fall victim to the "life of crime" situation - but that's not something I'd like to remember, so moving on). Since they didn't know how to respect me, no matter how good I was to them, the relationships would always end in disaster. (I don't think I have ever had an amicable break-up.)

I've grown so much in the past 6 years that the things I look for in a man I date have changed. I've grown closer to God and am I'm looking for a man who is on the same level spiritually as I am. My exes are not even close to that. Which means that even if we were the best of friends, there's no chance of us getting back together. They just don't have the characteristics I'm looking for in a man. We don't have anything in common really, except our past.

But wait... if we don't have anything in common, why would we be friends?