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Monday, April 02, 2007

Hand in Hand

In April's issue of Essence, Terrance Howard talks about how he loved his wife enough to let her go. He said he had cheated on her so much that he realized he didn't deserve her and wanted her to move on.

While I commend him for having enough courage to let her go, I have to ask myself "how do you cheat on someone you love?"

A male friend of mine (who has spent YEARS sowing his oats) asked me, "What's the most important in a relationship - love or respect?" I was younger at the time so I answered love. He said, "The most important is respect. It's not healthy to love someone you don't respect."

How can you love someone you don't respect? What kind of sense does that make?

Is this a male thing?

Why don't those two things go hand in hand?

There are certain things in relationships that, in my opinion, go hand in hand. Marriage and fidelity. Actions and words. Love and respect. You can't have one without the other. Or at least one SHOULDN'T exist without the other.

I've seen how men can separate the two in their minds, or rather, I've seen them try to "justify" how they separate the two.

You love your wife but you cheat on her. Doesn't mean you don't love her. You just got caught up. Or she wasn't giving it to you like you like in the bedroom.... so you get your sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

Why get married if you want to be with multiple women?

I'm mind-boggled while I type. I cannot wrap my mind around disrespecting someone you claim to love.

Completely dumbfounded at the thought......


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