This is Me

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Monday, November 27, 2006

The "I'm Still Single" Tree

Last week when I arrived at my parents' house for the Thanksgiving holiday, my mom said not too long after I got in the door, "I have a present for you."

Now, my mother is always saying stuff like this and when she gives me my *present*, it turns out to be a pair of socks so my feet won't get cold, a t-shirt to sleep in, some lip gloss from Avon..... you get the gist. So when she said this, I of course thought it was going to be another pair of socks. (I mean, it is November.) Instead, she and my sister pull out a Christmas tree. Not a 7-footer, but one of the small ones people put on their desks at work. They even bought miniature ornaments and lights.

How funny.

It put a smile on my face, especially since last Christmas I was complaining about not having any decorations up (because a house without decorations during the holidays looks and *feels* quite lonely. Stockings hung by the chimney with care and the smell of cinnamon spice conjures up feelings of being around family, being happy, etc.).

So when I get back home and start to decorate the tree, instead of feeling happy because I'm reminded of the holidays around family, I get the opposite feeling.

It reminded me of how lonely I am. How single I am. Dates are quite scarce. I'm away from family and close friends. The few females I do know have significant others, so they're always *off being a couple*. This period of isolation I've been experiencing has gone on for 5 LONG years.

*BIG SIGH* Lord, what's going on?

I think the tree made me feel lonely, in part, because it looked lonely. It was sickly and miniature instead of being big enough for me to strap to the hood of my car on the drive home.

It also made me feel lonely because attached people my age don't have miniature trees on their kitchen tables. They have huge trees at their homes. They decorate with each other. They go to friends' holiday parties with each other. Main words here - "each other" - meaning two, together, a part of something.

There are days when I'm fine with being single. Quite happy, actually, to not have someone around all of the time (because sometimes a girl just wants to be by herself) - but holiday time.... not so much. Especially when I look at my miniature Christmas tree that just SCREAMS "YES, I'M STILL SINGLE" to those who see the blinking lights as they drive past my window....


  • At 8:44 AM, Anonymous lurky loo said…

    There's a saying "The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were" Unfortunately, I understand this all too well. Enjoy your single tree!


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