This is Me

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Monday, November 27, 2006

The "I'm Still Single" Tree

Last week when I arrived at my parents' house for the Thanksgiving holiday, my mom said not too long after I got in the door, "I have a present for you."

Now, my mother is always saying stuff like this and when she gives me my *present*, it turns out to be a pair of socks so my feet won't get cold, a t-shirt to sleep in, some lip gloss from Avon..... you get the gist. So when she said this, I of course thought it was going to be another pair of socks. (I mean, it is November.) Instead, she and my sister pull out a Christmas tree. Not a 7-footer, but one of the small ones people put on their desks at work. They even bought miniature ornaments and lights.

How funny.

It put a smile on my face, especially since last Christmas I was complaining about not having any decorations up (because a house without decorations during the holidays looks and *feels* quite lonely. Stockings hung by the chimney with care and the smell of cinnamon spice conjures up feelings of being around family, being happy, etc.).

So when I get back home and start to decorate the tree, instead of feeling happy because I'm reminded of the holidays around family, I get the opposite feeling.

It reminded me of how lonely I am. How single I am. Dates are quite scarce. I'm away from family and close friends. The few females I do know have significant others, so they're always *off being a couple*. This period of isolation I've been experiencing has gone on for 5 LONG years.

*BIG SIGH* Lord, what's going on?

I think the tree made me feel lonely, in part, because it looked lonely. It was sickly and miniature instead of being big enough for me to strap to the hood of my car on the drive home.

It also made me feel lonely because attached people my age don't have miniature trees on their kitchen tables. They have huge trees at their homes. They decorate with each other. They go to friends' holiday parties with each other. Main words here - "each other" - meaning two, together, a part of something.

There are days when I'm fine with being single. Quite happy, actually, to not have someone around all of the time (because sometimes a girl just wants to be by herself) - but holiday time.... not so much. Especially when I look at my miniature Christmas tree that just SCREAMS "YES, I'M STILL SINGLE" to those who see the blinking lights as they drive past my window....

Monday, November 13, 2006

I Will Boycott You In A Heartbeat

As I'm listening to Janet's new album last night (which is really good, by the way), my mind wanders to the Superbowl Wardrobe Malfunction debacle and how differently she was treated than Justin Timberlake.

Justin's videos are in constant rotation on MTV but Jackson's fans had to stage a freakin' protest just to get one video on the air. To me, this type of attitude/behavior shows the lack of respect for women the world has. It was the classic "It's always the woman's fault" syndrome that people fall victim to, as if men don't have control over their own actions.

(For example, a woman gets raped and someone says "Well, if she wasn't wearing that short skirt...". Or a teenage boy gets a girl pregnant and the girl is the one who is called *fast*. Or a married man hits on an unsuspecting woman, and the wife gets mad at the woman INSTEAD OF her husband. WTH? Why are women always to blame?)

Now Justin's album is HOT (a friend of mine played it while I was in her car), but no matter how hot the songs are, I can't bring myself to spend money on it. After he told the media "it was all her idea", I lost all respect for him and refuse to support him in any way. He lost me as a fan. Even if it was her idea, he could have said no. He's a grown man. Both of them were involved in the incident, yet she is the only one suffering the consequences.

Yes, I am boycotting Justin Timberlake. I may be the only one, but that's okay. I feel good about myself for not supporting a man who doesn't take responsibility for his own part. (I am quick to boycott someone if I don't agree with his or her actions.)

Me thinking about boycotting him got me to thinking about other people I boycott (see how my mind wanders?).

I boycott Usher ever since he admitted to cheating on his girlfriend and am no longer a fan of Michael Jordan because he cheated on his wife. When I told someone that I don't buy Usher's music, she asked me...

"What does him cheating on Chili have to do with you?"

Everything. I'm a woman and he disrespected a woman. Why can't I be offended?

If he disrespects a woman, he disrespects me, and I will no longer support him after being disrespected.

Cheating is disrespectful. PERIOD.

No, they didn't cheat on me, BUT......

Let me ask you a question.

If you are Black, and you hear about someone calling another Black person a nigger, do you get upset?

Of course you do.

No, the person didn't call YOU a nigger, but you're Black, so you get offended.

If you are Jewish, and someone spits an anti-Semitic slur to someone, do you get offended?

Of course you do.

The person didn't hurl the slur at YOU specifically, but you're Jewish, so you get offended.

Why can't women do the same thing?

If a man disrespects one woman (by cheating on her, calling her a b!tch, whatever), why WOULDN'T you get offended? And what makes you think he won't disrespect you?

Would you date a man who has physically beaten another woman? He may not beat you. But he did beat someone......

Some may say that being called a racial slur is a lot worse than being cheated on, but is it worse because we don't hold females in high esteem? Is it because cheating *happens all the time* that causes us to become indifferent to it? Feel like it's not as important? Why does disrespecting a person because of his or her race hold more weight than disrespecting a woman? (Kinda like that "One sin isn't greater than the other" thing.) Yes, racists hate us BECAUSE we're Black. Usher or Michael didn't disrespect their girlfriend/wife BECAUSE they were women, but there are some men who have no respect FOR ANY WOMAN and cheat in every relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. If you're THAT unhappy in a relationship, leave. Whether you cheat once or cheat all the time, it doesn't change the fact that you cheated. (I mean, whether you murder once or are a serial murderer, you're STILL a murderer.)

How people act in their previous relationships and in their everyday lives SHOULD give you an insight into their character, and someone's character is the FOUNDATION of who he is.

*I'm not angry* at Justin Timberlake or Usher or my best friend's ex-boyfriend who cheated on her or WHOMEVER is on my boycotting list. Life's too short to walk around holding grudges. I may have gotten upset in the beginning, but I let it go and become indifferent. But that doesn't mean I'm going to remain a fan.... Why would I?