This is Me

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Real Love

An article with Mo'Nique was featured in last month's issue of Essence. The subject of relationships was brought up because she just recently got married. She said she's in love, married her best friend, and....

"My husband and I have what others might call an 'open' relationship."

WTH?

(Paraphrased) "If my man is having sex with other women, as long as I know about it, it's not cheating. Cheating is when you sneak around and tell lies."

WTF??

In response to that interview, a friend of mine asked the question: "Are women THESE DAYS so desperate that we will resort to sharing a man just to have someone?"

My answer: Yes and No.

Why yes?

Some women are desperate. There is a lack of suitable men of all races. Out of all my line sisters, best friends, colleagues and co-workers, I can count on one hand the number of us who are married. And we're pushing 30. We're not rushing to get married (gone are the days when our parents got married at 19 and had all of their children by 35), but we'd at least like some prospects. All of us are making serious strides at the workplace, and we'd like to share our accomplishments with someone. Some women are okay with still being single. Others aren't and take that dissatisfaction with their circumstances to another level. They "date" married men, stay with those they know are cheating and those who only want sex, just to say "I have a someone."

Why no?

It's not "women these days". It's "women" period.

The other day I was listening to "My Man," a song by Billie Holiday, and realized that this isn't something new....

"It cost me a lot
But there's one thing that I've got
It's my man
It's my man......

Two or three girls
Has he
That he likes as well as me
But I love him

I don't know why I should
He isn't true
He beats me, too
What can I do?

Oh, my man, I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright
All right

What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday

For whatever my man is
I'm his forevermore"

It literally breaks my heart to know how many women out there are so desperate to be loved that they disrespect themselves just to have someone hold them at night. But then again he doesn't stay all night. You wake up to find him gone and end up looking like a $2 hooker.... Did he leave the money by the bed? Or did he forget? Probably forgot, since he doesn't give you any money to buy groceries and help take care of his kids either.

I don't understand! Why don't women feel loved????!!!

Well, it could be that Daddy wasn't there growing up, so daddy's little girl doesn't know how a real man is supposed to act. So she grows up and shares her body with a man who isn't worthy.

Or

Daddy showed up every now and then to have sex with mommy but never stayed to help raise his son, so daddy's little boy doesn't know how a real man is supposed to act. So he runs around on different women thinking it's acceptable. Just like men who beat their wives have sons who grow up to beat their wives.... you get the correlation.

Somewhere along the line it became acceptable to share a man. I'm not blaming one or the other. I'm blaming both. Men need to step up and women need to stop laying down. The constant cycle of men treating women like crap and women accepting it and then passing their mentality on to their kids needs to stop. Our kids are in the predicament they're in because they don't have examples of real love to look back on when they don't know the answers to everything....

------------

"I fell asleep last night
And I dreamed the night
and almost half the day away

I just got up so that
I can hear her say
She's still in love
and no one can take her love away

Ooo love wakes me up everyday
And I thought no one
would ever make me feel this way

It fills me up everytime
I hear her say
She's still in love
and no one will take her love away
I wanna be love....."


"There's Nothing Better Than Love" by Luther Vandross.... now that's that "REAL LOVE".... the type that STOPS the cycle....

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