This is Me

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Real Love

An article with Mo'Nique was featured in last month's issue of Essence. The subject of relationships was brought up because she just recently got married. She said she's in love, married her best friend, and....

"My husband and I have what others might call an 'open' relationship."


(Paraphrased) "If my man is having sex with other women, as long as I know about it, it's not cheating. Cheating is when you sneak around and tell lies."


In response to that interview, a friend of mine asked the question: "Are women THESE DAYS so desperate that we will resort to sharing a man just to have someone?"

My answer: Yes and No.

Why yes?

Some women are desperate. There is a lack of suitable men of all races. Out of all my line sisters, best friends, colleagues and co-workers, I can count on one hand the number of us who are married. And we're pushing 30. We're not rushing to get married (gone are the days when our parents got married at 19 and had all of their children by 35), but we'd at least like some prospects. All of us are making serious strides at the workplace, and we'd like to share our accomplishments with someone. Some women are okay with still being single. Others aren't and take that dissatisfaction with their circumstances to another level. They "date" married men, stay with those they know are cheating and those who only want sex, just to say "I have a someone."

Why no?

It's not "women these days". It's "women" period.

The other day I was listening to "My Man," a song by Billie Holiday, and realized that this isn't something new....

"It cost me a lot
But there's one thing that I've got
It's my man
It's my man......

Two or three girls
Has he
That he likes as well as me
But I love him

I don't know why I should
He isn't true
He beats me, too
What can I do?

Oh, my man, I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright
All right

What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday

For whatever my man is
I'm his forevermore"

It literally breaks my heart to know how many women out there are so desperate to be loved that they disrespect themselves just to have someone hold them at night. But then again he doesn't stay all night. You wake up to find him gone and end up looking like a $2 hooker.... Did he leave the money by the bed? Or did he forget? Probably forgot, since he doesn't give you any money to buy groceries and help take care of his kids either.

I don't understand! Why don't women feel loved????!!!

Well, it could be that Daddy wasn't there growing up, so daddy's little girl doesn't know how a real man is supposed to act. So she grows up and shares her body with a man who isn't worthy.


Daddy showed up every now and then to have sex with mommy but never stayed to help raise his son, so daddy's little boy doesn't know how a real man is supposed to act. So he runs around on different women thinking it's acceptable. Just like men who beat their wives have sons who grow up to beat their wives.... you get the correlation.

Somewhere along the line it became acceptable to share a man. I'm not blaming one or the other. I'm blaming both. Men need to step up and women need to stop laying down. The constant cycle of men treating women like crap and women accepting it and then passing their mentality on to their kids needs to stop. Our kids are in the predicament they're in because they don't have examples of real love to look back on when they don't know the answers to everything....


"I fell asleep last night
And I dreamed the night
and almost half the day away

I just got up so that
I can hear her say
She's still in love
and no one can take her love away

Ooo love wakes me up everyday
And I thought no one
would ever make me feel this way

It fills me up everytime
I hear her say
She's still in love
and no one will take her love away
I wanna be love....."

"There's Nothing Better Than Love" by Luther Vandross.... now that's that "REAL LOVE".... the type that STOPS the cycle....

Friday, July 21, 2006

Why Hasn't He Proposed? Because He's Stupid! Why Haven't You Left Him? He's Not Going to Change!

I recently read a "Why Hasn't He Proposed?" article in the *Relationship Rescue* portion of Essence's August issue. They have two kids (she also has two others from a previous relationship; he also has another from a previous marriage) and were living together (until she up and moved out). There's an age difference (she's 41 and he's 28).

Anyway, she's ready to get married. He's not because he feels they have *communication* issues. Let me quote what he said....

"From the beginning of our relationship, she has had certain expectations of me to which I was totally oblivious, like contributing financially to the household, helping with the kids, and prioritizing our new extended family over my lifelong friends. Instead of telling me what she needs, her favorite line is 'You should know.'"

W.....T.....F????!!!! Why does a woman have to TELL a man to contribute financially? To put his family over his friends? To FREAKIN' HELP WITH HIS OWN KIDS????!!!!

I am so THROUGH. I have NO WORDS to explain my frustrations! I need to go meditate.....

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Do You Speed? I Find That Kinda Sexy.....

Have you ever wondered why you find specific qualities attractive in the opposite sex?

Now, "they" say that you're attracted to what you know. For instance, my dad is retired military, and I find men in military uniforms SO SEXY! That I can understand. That's not weird, imo. A lot of women find men in uniform sexy.

But here's where it gets weird.....

I love a man who can *drive*. Not the man who drives the speed limit and doesn't know how to switch lanes (like my grandaddy), but a man who drives fast, weaving in and out of traffic. It's so.... sexy.

One time (at band camp) I'm driving down the freeway on my way to work and this guy zips past me, but I still get a chance to glimpse chocolate skin. Hmmm. Already I'm intrigued. As I watch him weave in and out of traffic, I'm even more intrigued, so I decide to speed up to get a better look (which doesn't take much because I drive fast, too). I pull up beside him and look over to find chocolate skin AND a bald head. "Hey, what's your name? You're speeding and I find that kinda sexy...."

I also love men in SUVs. You don't have to have an expensive 745 or S-class for me to like you. Just pick me up in a big and powerful SUV and I will definitely be attracted.

I have a co-worker who is attractive, but I never found him *sexy* until last week after work when I saw him STEP UP into an SUV. All of a sudden his sexiness factor jumped about 10 points!

Another attractive co-worker of mine was driving a late model Explorer, so of course he was sexy to me. Turns out, that wasn't his car. He was borrowing it while his was getting fixed. When I saw his own car, his sexiness factor dropped... not because of the car (I don't care how much your car costs), but because he no longer had that powerful aspect anymore. (And I'm not saying that if you don't drive an SUV you won't be attractive to me, so don't get all up in arms. It just ADDS to the sexiness.... and addition is so much *sexier* than subtraction....)

A friend of mine was called the N-word after a car accident and when she called to tell us what happened, a male friend of mine went out to see if she was okay as *backup.* His actions said "Don't worry. I got you." Him as backup - quite sexy.....

Honestly, I think it's that powerful quality that causes women to go for thugs. *Nice guys* are always saying "Women say they want a man to treat them right, but they always go for thugs." The situation is not that easy, though.

What women WANT is a manly man. We want a man who knows how to take charge AND treat us like the Queens that we are. We want someone who can be a protector but also a nurturer, a shield and a supporter, a guardian and a guardian angel. That's *sexy*.....

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Road Rage Doesn't Scare Me! I Have It Too Mutha*bleep*!

As I'm driving to work this morning I find myself behind someone who is extremely slow, so as the car on my left begins to pass me, I get ready to get behind him. That's when the guy in the Monster Ford Truck already in the left lane starts to speed up. I guess he can sense that I'm about to get over (especially since I'm riding my brakes behind the guy driving like he's sightseeing even though it's morning rush hour).

Well, even though Monster Truck guy is speeding up, I still have room to get over (don't try to speed up to keep me from getting over, jerk <---- this is what I'm thinking) so I get over and I guess that upsets him, because he starts riding me and flashing his lights.

Sooooo...... is that supposed to intimidate me? Am I supposed to be scared of the Monster Ford Truck riding my tail with its lights on? Is that going to make me get back over? (I'm saying all this out loud looking in my rearview mirror as if guy can hear me.) I'm not going anywhere buddy!

When all 3 of us finally pass the sightseer on the right the Monster Ford Truck guy gets over. I slow down to get off my exit (which is on the left - which is why I had to be in the left lane). Because I slow down, Monster Truck guy passes me and on the back of his truck is a "W" sticker - a support the dumb-a$$ we have for president sticker.


Just like a Republican to try to force others to do what they want you to do.....

Ride my tail all you want Monster Ford Truck guy! I ain't gettin' over! (Yeah, I said *ain't*.....)

Monday, July 10, 2006

Is Being Comfortable Enough?

I recently saw an ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in years. We broke up a long time ago but have kept in contact so when I took a trip to his area, we went out.

So, how did it feel?

It felt..... familiar.

It wasn't the "OHMYGOSHI'MSTILLINLOVEWITHYOU" feeling. It was the "I'm used to being in the passenger seat of your car and it's comfortable" feeling. I liked it, and I don't like that I liked it. There are plenty of couples who are 'comfortable.'

But is being 'comfortable' enough?

Anyone who sees us together says that we fuss like an old married couple. I've noticed it and it was definitely there when we went out. We nag each other, but I don't mind the nagging. It's *familiar*....

There's that word again.

So now what?


He's not the one for me. I know that.

It's that 'familiarity' that gets people thinking what they shouldn't be "maybe" when it should be "no" or even a "hayle naw".....

It's okay to be comfortable. It's okay to be familiar. Just as long as the comfortability and familiarity in a relationship blend with passion, excitement, longing, anticipation - you know, all of the above....

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Why Are You Talking to Me?

One thing I like about the south is that people are so friendly. I like the "How are you today?" questions and the smiles from strangers when I walk into the store. It happens so often down here that your local KKK member probably smiles at me out of habit.... (It's so much of a habit that I smile at people I don't like. As soon as I make eye contact, the corners of my mouth turn upward and it's not until a split second AFTER I smile does it register in my brain that I don't like the person. Doggone it! Now that person thinks we're friends!)

I was in a Wendy's restroom last week when my mother and I met a mom and daughter traveling from Houston. When my mom and I got outside, the husband/father was talking to my dad. Just started up a random conversation. I like that.... sometimes....

I'd prefer a smile and nod over a conversation, but sometimes you just click with another person and end up talking about randomness. Usually, that's cool, as long as the conversation isn't LONG.

Him: "Good morning. How are you today?"

Me: "I'm doing well. Thank you. How are you?"

Her: "Boy that shirt is expensive!"

Me: "I know, girl. The Gap acts like money grows on trees!*

Him: "It's so hot outside!"

Me: "That's exactly why I don't like going outside. I'm an 'indoor' girl" *insert laughter*

Him: "My cat Jerry did this amazing back flip yesterday! Let me pull out my pictures!"

-- hold up --

Your cat? WTH?

Do I look like I care about your cat?


Me: "How old is your son?"

Her: "3 months. Let me bring out the pictures...."

UGH. I brought that one on myself.....

Him: "I like your car. Do you get good gas mileage?"

Me: "Thanks. Yes I do."

Him: "You know, I've always wanted that type of car. Been thinking about getting one for a long time now. My neighbor bought one last week......"

"&$#@! Stop talking to me!"

I think I'm a mixture of north and south. I like how slow the south is, but I have very little patience. I like giving "Good Mornings" to random people, but I don't care about the antics of Jerry the cat. I like 5-minute conversations about how hot it is or how expensive gas is, but I don't care to know about what your cousin's sister's college roommate did last week. Just give me a smile, and in the words of T.I., "Keep it moving, shawty. Keep it moving."

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Looking For What Exactly?

Folks who know me know my dreams are weird. But the one I had last night really has me saying "hmmm...."

The beginning is a little hazy; I just vaguely remember a crowded freeway full of stopped cars and I was walking around to each car looking inside for someone....

Scene 2: I was in the room with a bunch of kids of different ages. We're all having a good time when all of a sudden someone disappears. Then this guy I'm with says "You mean to tell me that if I let go of you, you'll disappear? Don't ever let go of me ever." And then we start to hug.... (after waking up I'm wondering who that guy was because he didn't resemble any of my ex-boyfriends.....). So we spend time trying to walk here and there without letting go of each other, but then we stop and start dancing. I look over to a young girl next to me and she stops dancing, closes her eyes, and faints, but when her body hits the ground she disappears and the only thing left is her dress. I bend down, grab her dress, and start screaming "She disappeared!" So for some reason we start grabbing each other's clothes in hopes that they won't disappear and I've got a whole lot of bras in my hand (including the bra my mom bought me last week that we took back because it was too big). I'm holding on to these bras for dear life (when I wake up my hand is cramping from trying to hold on to those non-existent bras). I really have to use the restroom, but I'm afraid to let go of the bras, so I run to the bathroom and open the door, take my pants down, etc., using only my right hand. As I'm sitting on the toilet, the scene changes to another room of the house.

Scene 3: In this room a guy who plays Spencer Truman on the soap opera One Life to Live is tied up in a chair and a man is standing over him yelling. Spencer asks him why he's making people disappear, and the man says "You have people to love you. I don't. I have to make people love me." He was making the people disappear and putting them in a locked room in another part of the house (I guess it's one of those old houses with 10 million different rooms). After he finishes yelling, he leaves, and a young blond girl sneaks out of that room and stands beside Spencer. Spencer turns to her and says "We have to figure out how to get out of here."

Scene 4: I walk out of my bedroom and start singing. I walk to the kitchen and the microwave clock says 11:21 am. (I don't like sleeping that late in the day. I don't care how late I go to bed, I don't like sleeping past 10 am. Once you get into lunch time, the day is over and you've missed it because you've been sleep.....). So I notice that it's after 11 and I'm upset. But I still sing and I'm singing loudly. My mom, who wasn't in the dream before, asks me to keep it down. When I walk towards her room I hear her on the phone looking for my grandmother.....

-dream over-

I wake up and go to the restroom (whenever I have dreams of urinating, I wake up feeling like my bladder is about to explode).

I don't feel unloved or like I need to make people love me, so that part I'm not even worried about. It's this whole "looking for something" theme that ran through this entire dream that has got me intrigued. I'm not one who tries to read into my dreams because they are ALWAYS crazy, but I, and other people in the dream, were looking for something. So does that mean I'm looking for something?

But at the same time - according to those 'dream experts', dreams aren't taken literally. For example, when someone dreams of fish, that is supposed to mean someone is pregnant (I don't know how people made that fish/child correlation, but whatever...). So if dreams AREN'T literal, what does 'looking for something' mean???

Monday, July 03, 2006

"This is Me" Quickie #1

For all those people who don't use soap when washing their hands after using the restroom - do you get in the shower at night and just let the water hit you WITHOUT using soap? Didn't think so.... water does NOTHING by itself....