This is Me

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Justification of "Making 'em Legal"

Montel Williams is on and he said something that I agreed with and also didn't agree with. He said that he gets upset b/c the only people America is trying to 'get rid of' is people of color. There are illegal immigrants in America from Russia, Yugoslavia, England, but because they are white, no one says anything. That I agree with. People may say it's not about race but this is ALL about race.

After that he said, if all illegal immigrants were to be arrested today, you would walk into your neighborhood grocery store and there would be no one to ring you up; at your neighborhood hotel there'd be no one to clean the bathrooms because Americans don't want to do that type of work or don't want to work hard.

I REALLY HATE that argument. It's not about not wanting to do the work. It's about these American corporations who don't want to pay a salary or hourly wage that is equal to the cost of living. I would have no problem with working hard, just pay me what I need to live. Rent, gas, and the price of pretty much everything keeps going up but the money we get paid is stagnant, and in some professions, has even gone down.

I also hate that argument because I think it's degrading. It associates that type of work with a certain race/ethnicity, as if that's all that race/ethnicity can do. "Be nice to him. He mowed your lawn yesterday." WTH??? Am I the only one who thinks that's disrespectful?

A third reason I hate that argument is because our grandparents and parents busted their butts and told us "Go to college so you don't have to work as hard as we have." I went to college and got a Master's degree so I wouldn't have to break my back just to make a few dollars. So what if we don't want to work that hard!!! It doesn't mean that we're lazy! We're just following the advice of our parents and grandparents. We went to college so we could sit at a desk rather than standing on our feet at McDonald's. We get a degree to better ourselves and then people want to get on us about what type of work we do and do not want to do. That doesn't fly with me!

If the government would make it illegal for businesses to hire people without documentation I definitely believe it would help alleviate the problem. You can't blame them for doing whatever they need to do to make better lives for their families, but that's what we're ALL trying to do. 50 years ago and 50 years from now the story will be the same - we'll do what we need to do to pay the bills. but don't give illegal immigrants citizenship on the pretense that they do work we don't want to do. We live here so we know what we should be paid. And pennies ain't it....

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Men Made That Up!

Men, sex, and the double standards that exist in today's society...... It is absolutely RIDICULOUS some of the things men get away with because people (both men and women) subscribe to the idiotic notion that 'boys will be boys'. This belief lets men get away with anything and keeps them from accepting responsibility for their actions. The "Boys will be Boys" mantra was created by males and since men can be quite persuasive, they have made women believe the same thing. People wake up! Double standards that exist today exist because men MADE IT UP.

Myth #1
Women who sleep with men on the first date are sluts and probably give it up to every Tom, Dick, and Harry (or Jamal, Rashad, and LeShaun) they go out with.

Truth: Men made that up! Now, don't get it twisted. I'm not condoning sex on the first date at all! That's a little too free for my taste, especially considering the number of STDs out there. But for example's sake..... if a woman is a whore/slut/harlot for sleeping with you on the first date, then that makes you a whore/slut/harlot as well because you slept with her. Men act like they have no control over their penises. You sleep with who you want to sleep with. If you think she's a whore and you still sleep with her, then you're a whore, too!

Myth #2
Women should cook and clean for their husbands.

Truth: Men made that up! They just don't want to do any work! Raising kids, cooking, and cleaning are A LOT of work! Men know that and don't want to have any part of it! Now, granted, times are different than when our parents and grandparents grew up. The jobs that women were able to get were limited (this is also the man's fault - women were not ''allowed'' to get certain jobs because they were female - but that's a whole 'nother subject). Also, some families were fortunate enough that the man made enough money so the wife didn't have to work (although this didn't apply to black folks), so it was okay for her to stay at home and cook and clean because she didn't have another job. But times have changed (seemingly) and women are going to college and getting degrees as well. Both the wife and husband are working 40+ hours a week, bringing home competitive salaries, but yet the woman is STILL expected to raise the kids, cook, and clean BY HERSELF. Just because she was born without a penis. WHATEVER. A male friend of mine said of his girlfriend (they had 2 kids and were living together) "Yeah she has to cook and clean because I pay the bills!" I looked at him like he was crazy and said "SO???!!! You BOTH stand on your feet working 40 hours a week. The ONLY difference between you and her is that you write the check!" That shut him up! Like I tell those men who are ready to settle down and look at me as the potential wife (because I've always been the 'wife' type - that's why I never dated when I was younger; men knew I wasn't going to give it up): "Please don't think that just because I'm female that I will be doing all the work around the house. You help dirty the house - you will help clean it up. You help make the babies - you will help raise them. You help eat food - you will help prepare it."

Myth #3
When men sleep with a whole lot of females, he's a stud.

Truth: Stud my a$$! Men made that up! Personally, if you've had that many partners, it's definitely time for me to move on. I'm not about to die from STDs or any crazy baby mamas stabbing me in the neck because she's mad you can't pay your child support or you slept with her and moved on to the next one and blah blah blah, all because you can't keep your penis in your pants.

Myth #4
Men, once they've sowed their oats, are allowed to only want virtuous women who haven't had a large sexual history.

Truth: WTF???? You know good and well men made that up! Men actually have the nerve, with their 30+ partners, to pursue a woman BECAUSE she hasn't had that many partners. Tell me, fellas - if this woman is VIRTUOUS, what in the hayle makes you think that she WANTS you, a man with more sexual conquests than the friendly neighborhood prostitute???!!!

Myth #5
Women should 'give it up' after a man paid for her 'dinner and a movie'

Truth: So what you're saying is, my body - my TEMPLE, or for those people who don't understand how Godly a body is - my coochie, is only worth $50 and a night on the town????

*sigh*

Recently, a man was accused of rape and his mother actually had the nerve to say "Well, if she hadn't walked around in those skimpy clothes, this wouldn't have happened." What???? Your son VIOLATED a woman and you have the nerve to blame it on her?

"She seduced me."

"She's pregnant because she was trying to trap me."

We're all grown here, right? Men need to start taking responsibility for their actions and their penises. Unless rape/incest is involved, it takes TWO consenting adults to engage in sexual activity that at times produces a baby. You did learn that in health class, didn't you? Or did you fall asleep during that part of the movie and really had NO IDEA that consequences of sex include STDs and, of course, CHILDREN (who need to be raised with love, care, and discipline by people who love them, not people who conceived them during a one night stand)

No ladies. Men will not be men. No fellas. Men will not be men. That phrase is a cop out made up so men don't have to take responsibility for their actions. Ladies - stop letting them get away with it! Men - stop trying to get away with it. Have some respect for yourself and others. I mean, the way you have treated women may not bother you, but if some dude was treating your mother/sister/daughter that same way, I'm sure you'd be upset. Remember - that woman you pretended to love just to get sex, that woman you cheated on, all of them are someone's mother/sister/daughter, too..... and what goes around comes around....

Monday, May 22, 2006

PMS is REAL!!!

So I'm reading an article about more pills being put on the market to either eliminate the menstrual cycle altogether or at least keep it from happening 12 times a year and I'm thinking to myself - "Could that be healthy?" Now, I for one hate having to deal with the female CURSE once a month, but didn't God give us this thing for a reason?"

After I get passed the health issues, my mind then wanders to the symptoms we'd eliminate as well.... If we get rid of our periods, we also get rid of the bloating, cramping, and mood swings, as well as those arguments we seem to have with our significant others/parents/friends around that time. Ummmmmmm, health issues or no health issues, that sounds like a plan!

This, in turn, made me remember an episode of Charmed.... during the episode, b/c of some magical faux pas, Piper and her husband switched bodies..... ironically it was during Piper's time of the month, and when he started experiencing depression he said "I thought mood swings were something women made up to get sympathy, but they really do occur."

DUH!

Fellas, PMS is real! Some women have worse symptoms than others, but trust me - it's not something we make up. As I am writing this, my lower back is throbbing, my left breast is so sore I feel like Mike Tyson hit me in the chest, and every few minutes I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen. Some women have cramps so badly they can't even walk! But all of this is just physical.... the hormonal is worse.

Some years ago when I was still in high school I was taking a trip with others on the newspaper staff. It was about 15 of us in a van that the advisor was driving. The radio was on and I'm someone who sings every song on the radio, even if I don't like it, b/c it doesn't take me long to memorize a song (b/c the radio stations play the same freakin' songs over and over again) or even start to sing the lyrics when only hearing it for the first time (b/c song lyrics are pretty predictable these days). So I was singing pretty much every song that came on the radio and one of the people in the van said "Dang! Do you know EVERY song that comes on the radio?????!!!!" I was PISSED. At that moment I decided I was NEVER going to speak to him again EVER b/c he called me out in front of everyone. And I was serious, too. Of course, once the PMS went away I was fine, but at the time I was ready to beat him down!

And the crying fits!!! Man! I was once crying on the phone with one of my friends (and I mean crying with huge tears, red face, and snot) because some dude didn't call me back. The next week my friend said "How have you been doing? Are you okay? I've been so worried about you. I've been praying for you." You've been praying for me??? Dude. That was PMS. I had known that guy, for like, 5 minutes.... (What was his name again?)

My mom recently had a PMS episode as well..... my sister unloaded the dishwasher but put one of the bowls in the wrong cabinet. When my mom opened up the cabinet and saw the bowl, she wanted to grab it and throw it out of the window! Being the sensible woman she is, she counted to 10 to try to calm down, but the fact of the matter is that she WANTED to throw it, just b/c it was in the wrong cabinet.

PMS actually has you thinking that your irrational thoughts and feelings have merit. I have deleted many a guy's number when they pissed me off during the time of the month. I have gone off on a number of people when they are inconsiderate, only to calm down and in a few days see that I overreacted. It's like someone else takes over, but you're awake to see everything that goes on.

Am I apologizing for it??? In the words of Whitney Houston, "Oh, HAYLE NAW!!!!" *said in my best Master P voice* "Uhhh, It ain't my fault!" LOL Hormones are no joke! For future reference, fellas - pay attention and find out when your girl's menstrual cycle is on and just walk on egg shells for that time period. It'll make both of your lives so much easier!

P.S. I'm also convinced men have a PMS phase also b/c they can get those off-the-chain mood swings as well. One minute you're about to claim the "Chatty Kathy" title, the next you don't have anything to say! One minute you're all lovey dovey, the next you don't call for 5 days! First you say you love me, then after feelings have been invested you say you're not ready for a relationship?! WTH??? Oh, you must not value your life....*looking for my knife* LOLOL

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

That Tiera Marie Song hits the nail on the head!

"Are there any boys around that know how to make a girl feel, that wanna make a girl feel, make her feel good...."

One day I'm driving down the road and I hear this song and I think to myself, "She's right." Not about the sex part, but about the fact that guys these days don't know how to make females feel pretty, feel loved, feel wanted. They need to be lead around like little puppies b/c they won't take the time (or don't WANT to take the time) to learn how to court women. A male friend of mine and I also had a conversation about this.... he just doesn't understand why men don't open doors anymore, don't pull out chairs anymore, aren't affectionate. He said "There is a young couple at my church and the guy really does not know how to be a MAN for his family....yes, he works and all, but little stuff he just doesn't get....like when they walk in church, he doesn't let her in the pew first, sits down before her, and I have even seen HER arm around HIM....it should be the other way around....he should be the rock of his family...." (let's just say it was quite refreshing to have this talk with him. I believe God had us 'reunite' recently so we could have this conversation to remind me that there are a few good guys still out there.... God does that from time to time, you know.... like when we get discouraged...) We don't get compliments anymore, no surprises. Nada. All we get now is "Do you want to come over?" after like, two conversations. Um, no.....

"Do I have to tell him how to touch me
Do I have to tell him how to hold me
Do I have to tell him when to call me"

This guy I just recently STOPPED dating fell victim to the last sentence - I actually had to tell him when to call... WTH? Guys don't see what they want and go after it anymore. They expect you to court them. This may be the 21st century, but chivalry is not dead where I'm from. Instead of hearing a voice on my answering machine when I came home, I later get the excuse "Well, I didn't want to call b/c I knew you wouldn't be there b/c you're always at work." True, I'm always at work (I have two jobs) but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't TRY. You never know - I just might be home that night.....

"Do I have to tell him what to say to me every time he wanna get next to me..."

Now I know men can't read womens' minds. And I know that what's romantic to one female is not going to be the same for another. But this is where spending time with each other and getting to know one another comes into play. After spending time and paying attention to each other, you should notice little things, like the fact that I like to get "I was just thinking of you" emails/phone calls in the middle of the day (what girl doesn't?), or that I like to get dressed up, so please take me to an upscale restaurant this weekend, or that if I'm really feeling you, stopping by without calling first is okay (I have to really be feeling you for you to get away with doing this).

"Can a chick from the hood find a homie who wants to do more than spend money on me" (now I'm not a chick from the hood but go with me on this....)

Yes, according to the Word, the man is supposed to be the provider, but a lot of people only think that term is one-dimensional. In its exact definition, a provider is "a person or thing that provides something". This 'thing' that a person is providing isn't always financial. I can buy my own clothes, jewelry, etc., etc., etc. Of course a man has to be financially stable for us to be married, but I also need you to be a provider MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY. How can you be my husband if you can't provide someone I can talk to when I'm having a bad day, someone who understands what I'm going through. I need you to provide me with someone who wants to KNOW me, will be there for me through good and bad times, who wants to make me happy. I need you to PROVIDE a best friend, a soul mate.... and that takes more than money.

"Are there any boys around that know how to make a girl feel, that wanna make a girl feel, make her feel good...."

The answer: there are plenty of boys out there.... what I'm looking for is a man.... so let me change up the song a little bit....

"Are there any MEN around that know how to make a girl feel, that wanna make a girl feel, make her feel good..."

....still waiting on my king.....

Friday, May 12, 2006

Everything Else is Irrelevant

I had planned on venting about something or other today, but after reading a friend's blog about the death of someone close to him, it really seems irrelevant.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with complaining. Every now and then you need to vent about what's going on around you, just as long as you recognize how blessed you are. I complain about bad drivers, not having enough money, not having any friends in my area, etc., etc., etc., but every day I wake up and go to sleep thanking God for what I do have. I always remember that no matter what I'm going through, there is always someone else who has gone or is currently going through something worse... 10 times worse.

Every now and then death has a way of slapping you in the face, reminding you about how temporary things are. And don't let the death be someone who is young. You hear about young kids getting killed all the time on the news, and even though you're sad, it's not something you harp on, think about the next day...

Death slapped me in the face Aug. 12, 2004. My friend, who was there when I had no one else, died in a car accident. He was only 23. The youngest person listed in the obituary that day. I know people die, but people dying before a certain age just seems even worse. He'll never get to get married, have kids, walk across the stage to receive a college degree. Really, the only thing that made it better was the fact that I KNOW he's in a better place. He may have struggled with living a Christian life while on earth, but that's a struggle for everyone every day. God knew his heart and he was a good person.

(Wesley's death fell on the same day as a funeral for a guy I went to college with. He was a really nice guy; he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was shot. I was hurt b/c he was such a nice guy, but I didn't harp on it. Then when they're laying him to rest, I get a call... THAT call....)

What's funny is that Wesley and I went to high school together but he was two years younger so I didn't really know him, I just knew OF him. He was FINE with a capital F-I-N-E. Plus, he was an athlete.... Everyone knew OF him. LOL

Then I graduated,, went to college, and then grad school. The grad school I was attending was where he was receiving his undergrad. It's like God wanted him in my life. He didn't know who I was but when I saw him right before we went into the cafeteria, I walked up to him, introduced myself and said "Hey. We went to high school together." That was that. Never expected to talk to him again. I went in, got my food, sat at a table by myself (b/c I didn't know anyone) and 5 minutes later he comes up to my table and asks "Can I sit with you?" We had our ups and downs (I'm an introvert at times and he didn't really understand that since he was so outgoing) but he always made me feel like family, even after just meeting him that day when he sat at my table in the cafeteria...

His death was the first death I've experienced of someone close to me (I wasn't close to my grandfathers - they died when I was young. 99% of my family is still alive, Praise God.), so it definitely hit me hard. I received my masters in May of '04 and moved back home while I looked for a job. I didn't expect for it to take as long as it did (1 year) but when Wesley died I had been home for almost 3 months, discouraged that I still hadn't received a job. The day before he died I was discouraged; the day after I didn't care. Nothing else mattered. The first thing on my mind when I woke up in the morning was "Your friend just died." Of course it got better, as it always does.... but, then someone else else goes through the same thing and you're reminded that everything else is irrelevant....

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

New to the Blog thing





Okay. I've been putting off this blog thing for a while... never thought I'd have something to talk about. I also thought I'd never have the time. Well, my work day has become a little mundane and my yahoo isn't working, so I figured I might as well. It was either that or create a myspace account and I REALLY didn't feel like doing that.

So I'm here. What's going on with me, you may be asking? Absolutely nothing. I guess you could say I'm stuck in a rut. I recently visited DC and had more fun than I actually thought I would. It was so good to see my friends (haven't seen them in 7 years - it was a reunion of sorts) and it was nice to be able to go somewhere at 3 in the morning b/c everything is open. I mean, where I live, the movie theater doesn't even have midnight movies! The last showing is, like, at 10 pm.

This past Saturday night I was in my house, going through my phone book, trying to find someone to talk to, and no one answered their phones! Why? Because they all have lives!

LOL. Okay, I'm not as pitiful as I sound....really. I just get a little bored sometimes and need to vent and my friends (who live in other cities) are tired of this rant b/c I give it to them all the time. Now it's some unknown person's time to listen to the problems with my nonexistent social life.

But all jokes aside.... I don't think people realize how important a social life (or having some type of social outlet) is to a person's well-being.

Not having:
1. friends to go out with
2. places to actually go out
3. a person you can discuss your everyday feelings with who is in the same city
4. Christian companionship
can, over time, bring a person down.

I definitely feel God brought me to this city so I can attend a specific church. This church is making moves in this city and attending has helped me grow in Christ. But going home to an empty apartment every night with no one to talk to... it wears me down. I have heard people say "I wish I could be somewhere by myself without *insert names here* around to bug me all the time." Trust me, you don't. Even some of the strongest people (strong as in emotionally, spiritually, and mentally) need others. I honestly think this type of situation, when it happens to people who don't have that type of strength, does cause people to 'snap'. Whenever you hear about kids/people shooting up places, and then when those in the area are interviewed, they always say "Well, I didn't know him much. He was a loner... kept to himself..." (Notice I said "he" - because generally men are crazy. LOL) People in general need other people.

Okay, now that I have you all thinking I'm going to shoot up the place or that I'm crying into my pillow every night (LMBO) it's time for me to go and do some work. It's not that bad.... trust me. Just needed to vent....